Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why
That's what my head looks like right now.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
Memories seeping through my veins. Why can I only hear the thunder, yet no solemn rain? ♪
Wanna know what the most amazing feeling in the WORLD is?
Being loved.
Even when I thought I was forgotten, and thought that I wasn't important enough.. I was still loved c:
Before my dad went to sleep tonight, he pulled me close to him like he did when I was little. He put his arms around me, & gave me the biggest kiss on my forehead.. Just like when I was little. He said, "I love you" with his chin resting on the top of my head, and then he started tickling me. He said "I tricked you!" & then started making me laugh and giggle like a little girl.. like he did when I was little.
I missed you, Dad ♥.
Being loved.
Even when I thought I was forgotten, and thought that I wasn't important enough.. I was still loved c:
Before my dad went to sleep tonight, he pulled me close to him like he did when I was little. He put his arms around me, & gave me the biggest kiss on my forehead.. Just like when I was little. He said, "I love you" with his chin resting on the top of my head, and then he started tickling me. He said "I tricked you!" & then started making me laugh and giggle like a little girl.. like he did when I was little.
I missed you, Dad ♥.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Quinn come back ♥
Ohaay. What's up?
I'm kind of bored, probably why I'm writing a blog ^^;.
I'm at Quinn's house right now.. with lack of Quinny :c.
I stayed the night last night because of stuffz that happened at my house yesterday D:. But anyways, it was fun staying the night here. Right now Quinn is going to his doctors appointment, and I'm just sitting in pj's writing this blog post, lurking facebook, watching tv, and sipping coke c:
I want Quinn to come back soon though.. His appointment is at 2:15 at McMaster D: They take a long time, but he said he'll be back in a hour tops.
*waits patiently* Lololol, Recess is on x3. I used to love this show.
It's the episode where the principal was hypnotized into a child. & then they had to tell him that he wasn't a kid. It was at the sad part :c.
So.. I've been reading The Hunger Games. It's so amazing ♥. I haven't really had time to read it all that much, but I'm on Part Three, where Katniss finds Peeta and treats his wounds, & then they team up to take down the rest of the Careers.
I'm actually, so inlove with this book. I can't wait to get the second and the third.
They're so good x3.
*sips pop*
Omgawsh, Phineas and Ferb is on later, I love that show. It's so cute c: *flais*
Boy, I need you here with me. We can't go on this way. ♪♪
I like dat song, even though.. I really *dislike* Selena Gomez.. xD
She's a fuck.. I mean whut?
Now The Replacements is on.
Lol, woo, Family Channel 8D
Lol I just told Caroline to tell Eric, Dom, Scott & Clara that I said Hi :3.
They said Hi back c:
Well, except Scott apparently.. Thanks Scott. I see how it is.
LMFAO I JUST LOL'D SO HARD AT THIS SHOW.
Why am I rambling about everything that's not even impportant? 8D I should stop.. no one reads this anyways, and none of this is important.
I'm just being silly c:.
I'm actually, so bored now. So I guess I'ma end this blog post. Talk to you later, y'all.
Ha. The tv said y'all just as I typed it 8D.
Omgawsh it's only 2:11.. his appointment hasn't even started yet ;-;.
Roar :c.
Bye bye.
♥
I'm kind of bored, probably why I'm writing a blog ^^;.
I'm at Quinn's house right now.. with lack of Quinny :c.
I stayed the night last night because of stuffz that happened at my house yesterday D:. But anyways, it was fun staying the night here. Right now Quinn is going to his doctors appointment, and I'm just sitting in pj's writing this blog post, lurking facebook, watching tv, and sipping coke c:
I want Quinn to come back soon though.. His appointment is at 2:15 at McMaster D: They take a long time, but he said he'll be back in a hour tops.
*waits patiently* Lololol, Recess is on x3. I used to love this show.
It's the episode where the principal was hypnotized into a child. & then they had to tell him that he wasn't a kid. It was at the sad part :c.
So.. I've been reading The Hunger Games. It's so amazing ♥. I haven't really had time to read it all that much, but I'm on Part Three, where Katniss finds Peeta and treats his wounds, & then they team up to take down the rest of the Careers.
I'm actually, so inlove with this book. I can't wait to get the second and the third.
They're so good x3.
*sips pop*
Omgawsh, Phineas and Ferb is on later, I love that show. It's so cute c: *flais*
Boy, I need you here with me. We can't go on this way. ♪♪
I like dat song, even though.. I really *dislike* Selena Gomez.. xD
She's a fuck.. I mean whut?
Now The Replacements is on.
Lol, woo, Family Channel 8D
Lol I just told Caroline to tell Eric, Dom, Scott & Clara that I said Hi :3.
They said Hi back c:
Well, except Scott apparently.. Thanks Scott. I see how it is.
LMFAO I JUST LOL'D SO HARD AT THIS SHOW.
Why am I rambling about everything that's not even impportant? 8D I should stop.. no one reads this anyways, and none of this is important.
I'm just being silly c:.
I'm actually, so bored now. So I guess I'ma end this blog post. Talk to you later, y'all.
Ha. The tv said y'all just as I typed it 8D.
Omgawsh it's only 2:11.. his appointment hasn't even started yet ;-;.
Roar :c.
Bye bye.
♥
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Roaroaroaroaroar.
I watch the trees dance- silently but fast.
There's blue skies today,
but over me lingers overcast.
I can't help make these clouds go away.
All we can do is hope,
that tomorrow brings a beautiful day.
There's blue skies today,
but over me lingers overcast.
I can't help make these clouds go away.
All we can do is hope,
that tomorrow brings a beautiful day.
Hellogoodbye.
I'm so tired that I can't even think properly.
But I can't sleep.
Thoughts are just flooding through my head.
I feel so lost.
I just thought I'd share that.
Bye now.
But I can't sleep.
Thoughts are just flooding through my head.
I feel so lost.
I just thought I'd share that.
Bye now.
I don't know how we survived such violent episodes.
I have a funny feeling that tonight I won't be able to get many hours of sleep.
But that's okay. I'm used to this kind of thing.
I'm trying to walk lightly throughout my house. (It's a creaky, loud, house..)
She's just gone to sleep (more like passed out) & I don't need her waking up again. It wouldn't be nice.. She'd just slur random things or mumble something about me under her breathe, and then yell at me some more. Even though I did absolutely nothing to upset her in the first place.
In fact, it's quite the contrary.. but whatever.
What a wonderful life I live where I'm blamed for things just for the simple fact that no one else wants to be responsible for what has and is continuing to happen..
I feel, well I don't know how I feel. It's not quite my normal feeling.. I guess I'll settle with.. it's a weird feeling.
I'm not exactly sick.. but I have this gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach that makes it seem like I am.
Maybe I'm anxious or nervous.
But for what?
I don't really have anything to be anxious about. I mean, I'm usually an anxious person.. So I'm kind of used to it by now. (That makes no sense, I just said that I had nothing to be anxious about.. but I'm normally anxious.. Ah, whatever)
I feel so empty, but I don't even know why. It's taking a lot to not break down and cry when I have so many reasons why I should just give in.
I refuse to though. It makes me feel like I'm weak :\.
I've gone through so much, & it's all made me stronger.
A lot stronger.
To break down over such a ridiculous thing such as what has happened for the past few days.. is embarrassing.
I could understand if it was legitimately worse than it is now.
But now?
It just seems kind of, ..stupid.
Like a huge waste of time. Crying doesn't solve anything.. it just makes me feel sorry for myself. I could be doing so much more with my life, but I'm just ..not.
There's no reason to feel sorry for myself.. If I'm not really doing anything about it.
If I cry and feel sorry for myself.. I'll just deteriorate. My strength will weaken.. and then I'll give up.
Then everything I worked hard to fix, will slip away.
I've already been through that. I decided that I didn't like it.. So I'm not going back to that.
I can't give up anymore. Especially under these circumstances. Even though she totally blames me for everything, makes me do everything for myself, and makes me take care of her too; I just can't leave her alone to fight this by herself.
(Even though, lately it's just been her surrendering, leaving me to ..fight ..with her.)
So, I've come to the conclusion, that I feel trapped & isolated.
No one can relate to me, or I haven't met them yet.
No one can help me, or give me some useful advice.
I'm kind of just winging it. By myself.
It sucks. A lot.
I just want my old life back. I hope you guys know that what you have is really important, it's something that I'm lacking; and I'm jealous of you every minute.
But that's okay. I'm used to this kind of thing.
I'm trying to walk lightly throughout my house. (It's a creaky, loud, house..)
She's just gone to sleep (more like passed out) & I don't need her waking up again. It wouldn't be nice.. She'd just slur random things or mumble something about me under her breathe, and then yell at me some more. Even though I did absolutely nothing to upset her in the first place.
In fact, it's quite the contrary.. but whatever.
What a wonderful life I live where I'm blamed for things just for the simple fact that no one else wants to be responsible for what has and is continuing to happen..
I feel, well I don't know how I feel. It's not quite my normal feeling.. I guess I'll settle with.. it's a weird feeling.
I'm not exactly sick.. but I have this gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach that makes it seem like I am.
Maybe I'm anxious or nervous.
But for what?
I don't really have anything to be anxious about. I mean, I'm usually an anxious person.. So I'm kind of used to it by now. (That makes no sense, I just said that I had nothing to be anxious about.. but I'm normally anxious.. Ah, whatever)
I feel so empty, but I don't even know why. It's taking a lot to not break down and cry when I have so many reasons why I should just give in.
I refuse to though. It makes me feel like I'm weak :\.
I've gone through so much, & it's all made me stronger.
A lot stronger.
To break down over such a ridiculous thing such as what has happened for the past few days.. is embarrassing.
I could understand if it was legitimately worse than it is now.
But now?
It just seems kind of, ..stupid.
Like a huge waste of time. Crying doesn't solve anything.. it just makes me feel sorry for myself. I could be doing so much more with my life, but I'm just ..not.
There's no reason to feel sorry for myself.. If I'm not really doing anything about it.
If I cry and feel sorry for myself.. I'll just deteriorate. My strength will weaken.. and then I'll give up.
Then everything I worked hard to fix, will slip away.
I've already been through that. I decided that I didn't like it.. So I'm not going back to that.
I can't give up anymore. Especially under these circumstances. Even though she totally blames me for everything, makes me do everything for myself, and makes me take care of her too; I just can't leave her alone to fight this by herself.
(Even though, lately it's just been her surrendering, leaving me to ..fight ..with her.)
So, I've come to the conclusion, that I feel trapped & isolated.
No one can relate to me, or I haven't met them yet.
No one can help me, or give me some useful advice.
I'm kind of just winging it. By myself.
It sucks. A lot.
I just want my old life back. I hope you guys know that what you have is really important, it's something that I'm lacking; and I'm jealous of you every minute.
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