I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good.

So today was a semi good day ^__^

Wait no scratch that, it was a completely good day x3.

Yesterday I didn't go to school. (Long story) So my Dad didn't call, and whatever, I was scared to go today because I didn't want to get in trouble. But I went anyways.

I get there and I was like to attendance "I need to speak to a VP apparently because I missed yesterday" and they were like "It's already been cleared", and I was all like "LOLWTF" and I took an admit slip and walked away.

The funny thing is, is that my brother skipped yesterday too and they gave him a truancy. I can guarantee that neither of my parents called, and that Cathedral just fucked it up.

It's funny though c:

At lunch I went to my Mom's and she gave me fifty bucks? Lol, I don't know.

When I came home I called Wind (cell phone company) like ten million times. They kept giving me different answers about the plan and stuff on my phone. :S. They're so messed, I don't even know.

I missioned it to like six different stores (actually four) to get a fucking top up card.

I WENT TO ALL OF THE STORES THAT IT SAID ON WIND'S WEBSITE, EVERY STORE DIDN'T SELL THEM.

I gave up all hope and went to some stupid convenience store. Thinking that they wouldn't have them.

But they ended up having them x3

And now I have a phone :D.

So yeah, *happy*.

That's really all.

Side rant: I don't care anymore. Say what you want. I know what's real and what's not. So do other people. You're a contradictory hypocrite. That's all.

Today, alalalallala

Rant time.

So I *love* how you befriend me. Well I actually don't really care. I've had enough of all your problems. Everyday there was something new. And I was always there. No matter what. But I can't do it anymore. ALL you do is complain. Can't you see that? And it's about the stupidest shit. About how you're obsessed over boys that don't give a fuck about you. Seriously grow up. No one cares about that. Everyone gets annoyed by it. And where is it getting you if all you do is complain about it? Move on. Legit don't care anymore. Have fun with your own fucking life. Go make new friends and bitch to them everyday. You make me so fucking angry. /endrant.

Well, today was pretty much amazing.

But first, the odd things. There's two I guess D;

I went to school, obviously (except for fifth lol) we had a flood at our school D:! Ohnos.

I couldnt go to my locker cause it flooded there ;-; they blocked it off. Those fucks.

My health teacher told us about how she was raped in Las Vegas.

Yeahh.. :/

The last part of the day was really good though x3.

Me and Quinn hung out <3

We didn't do, anything really xD.

Just laid around all lazy-like, and watched tv and stuffz.

We talked about a lot of things. It definitely brought us closer and made our relationship more meaningful. I'm so happy x3.

FFS

SHUT THE FUCK UP.
You're fucked, grow up.
I legit don't even care, and all the stuff your saying is bullshit.

;-;

I keep listening to the same song over and over again just because..

i cant take this

Thanks for that.. ._.;

Nope.

Not giving out my passwords anymore.

My dear we're slow dancing in a burning room. ♫

I think I'm going to cry.

It just all makes sense..

Whatever I don't even care anymore :/..

Better work..

This be a test

All I gotta say is, fuck you Google Chrome.

:3.

I was just thinking abbout you, m'dear x3

Sent via Facebook Mobile

Chelsey Alexandria Cole September 24 at 3:39am

really? :3

Quinn T Fappiano September 24 at 3:39am Report

Yes c: x3

Sent via Facebook Mobile

Chelsey Alexandria Cole September 24 at 3:40am

Well I was thinking about you too ♥.

Quinn T Fappiano September 24 at 3:41am Report

Dats why we talking x3 i love you ♥

Sent via Facebook Mobile

Chelsey Alexandria Cole September 24 at 3:41am

I love you too :3 ♥.

Well isn't that cute x3.

Fucking crackbook

I love how when I get home to talk to Quinn Facebook decides to be a fuck.
Like it won't even process the request.

KBVLNSLDKVBNLDFKGKSDFLGNLDFKNVDFKLNAGVKL;DSNVBKLD'NVAGRJVIODRFGHNIFOAGH;SDFKDFIOKLDNGKDFLNGSFKLGNDFLK;GASFNGJDFKL;GHNADK'LFGBNKLADF'NGDKLFNGKLDFNGDFKLNGKLDFGBNDFKL;NLDFG

Urgh it's like down or something. It won't do anything >_< Fml

Anyways, school today was alright. Carly, my cousin, got into Cathedral. ^________^ *dances forever*

She has my lunch now, so we can hang out :D. We both didn't know anyone so now we have each other to hang out with.

We had a mass and it was so long and boring. I had to go up and get communion and it was gross. I forgot how bad it tasted D;.. And I totally forgot what to say after you receive it xD I was like o.o; ..kisdjfsdklgn "AMEN 8DDD" It was so bad, omg.

At lunch I met up with Carly and we went to Timmies. I bought the both of us a muffin :3. I gots a banana nut muffin x3. They're so good :3.

She put all her stuff in my locker so now it's like lodkhfdklsg over flowing to the max. We can barely fit our stuff in there xD. The lockers are so tiny D:

After that (since we got kicked out of the hallway of my locker) we went to the forum and just chilled and talked until fifth started.

Then I went to my new fifth period (which is in a portable I , YET AGAIN.. Not impressed ;-;) and it was actually so fun x3. There's three people I know in that class from my elementary school so we all talk. c:

Over all today was a good day ^___^ I'm glad I went. I actually want to go to school a lot tomorrow now x3.

Find nothing but faith in nothing.

So I thought I should change up my blog you know. Make it look ..better ;3.

It doesn't look good, but I like it c:
I don't care what you say >:C

Anyways so a lot happened today.

Well if you really think about.. not a lot actually happened today.. xD.

So this morning I stayed home from school because I was having really bad pains due to girl related things :c. I woke up and it was so bad. I mean, I could barely walk. So, I get up anyways and try to get ready for school.. but it was so intense I couldn't even do that.

How could I go to school if I was like that? >_<

So I didn't go.

I didn't even call my dad and tell him that I wasn't going cause I was embarrassed to tell him the reason why, and I couldn't get ahold of my mom >_<.

Quinn told me to meet me downtown because he said he buy me painkiller stuff for it. My dad didn't have anything for pain. He doesn't have any medicine actually D;

It was so bad when I was going downtown, I was crying. That's how bad the pain was. I felt sick, I felt weak, I felt like I was going to faint. It was SO bad.

Holy crap.

I ended up getting ahold of my mom, and she understood. I told her to call my dad and explain cause I couldn't do it. So hopefully he isn't mad about my staying home :c. Since I never asked or anything.

I cleaned the whole house for my dad so hopefully that calms him down a bit D:

I don't want him to think that I was just skipping >_<

And I regret not calling him about it because he's just going to get more mad.

Ohwell.

Other than that, spending some time with Quinn (even though I was in a lot of pain) was nice x3. It was kind of badass since it was during school. Good thing neither of us got in trouble x3.

Roar.

"Happiness hit her like a train on a track. Coming towards her, stuck still; no turning back."

I don't know what you want from me.

You told me all you wanted was for me to be happy.

But when the tables turned- you stole that away.

With a twist of fate, and a change of the day;

Our feelings were beaten and left to die.

I pushed myself up, because all we can do is survive.

So you laid on the ground- bitter and cold.

I became young- while you just grew old.

I ran and I played; danced and I sang.

You just watched as time ticked away.

Another pointless blog, brought to you from my bordom .. and History class.

Ohnoes my tummy is rumbling :c.
I'm really hungry.

OU A TEXT MESSAGE FROM QUINN x3.
*reads*

So I'm in class right now. History.
*deep sigh*
Whatever, this class is retarded. I mean, not the course.
Just the people are.

I finished the work in like ten minutes, that was supposed to be for the whole period. I love the responses when I'm done -.-

"HOW DID YOU FINISH SO QUICKLY?!?!"

Okay there kiddies, it was twenty questions. Maybe do the work instead of picking the snot out of your nose. -.-

I swear they're all mentally challanged.
Why am I even *in* this class? >_< Urgh :c
I know why ;-; ...

There's like, twenty (?) minutes left of class now.
I don't really know what to talk about.
xD Or what to do..

Oh I like cute text messages x3.
*blushblush*

So I have this like, really weird obsession with Ke$ha. o.o;
Like, it's really bad ;3.

But that's okay. I don't mind.
*reminisces on picture that quinn sent me*
8DDD

ANYWAYS
These kids are singing Alejandro D: By Lady Gaga.
Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhy -.-
I hate that song. It's so overplayed D;
and it's like, fucking old now.
LISTEN TO SOME NEW MUSIC D;

OMG 2:35 O.O
*counts*
27 minutes left D;
I was wrong before.
I think there's twenty seven left.
Or I'm just fucking retarded.

Oh boy, I wish I could reply to Quinn but I can't D; This supply is a fucking phone nazi and I'm going to throw a chair at her face :c.

WHY ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT CHUCK NORRIS
WHY
WHAT THE FUCK
DO YOUR WORK.
YOU FUCKS.

I hate grade tens?
Like, a lot. :
They're kind of, really.. Oh I don't know, immature ;s.

There's this girl in my class that looks like she's in grade twelve o.o;
but she's in grade ten.
Omg wtf.

URGH I'M SO BORED. WHY DID I FINISH SO EARRRLLLYYY ..
LMAO
I took that out of context ;3.

I'm like talking to myself.
Well technically blogger.
But they're my thoughts,
so yeah.. I'm going to settle with myself.

Anyways, I'm just like ..rambling ;s.
CAN YOU TELL THAT I'M BORED?!


Urgh my tummy ish hungry :c
Someone feed my tummy :c.

quinn has a chocolate shake -.-
He's like, indirectly rubbing it in my face.
Since I JUST said that I was hungry.

Whatta meanie x3.

So like, seventeen minutes left? Whaddddup

I really can't stop thinking about food, and it's going to take an hour to get home ;-;.

*sighs forever*

:c.

I would stop blogging, but then I'd have like, absolutely nothing to do .. at all. So I'll just continue blogging about what time it is, and how hungry I am.. and how stupid these kids are -.-. Should be ..fun.. :s

Sixteen minutess... :c

WDF I CAN'T LOG INTO HOTMAIL CAUSE THE AT SYMBOL IS BEING A FUCK AND MAKING A STAR SYMBOL.


urgh I hate this keyboard.
Omg I'm going to go read my life is average 8D.

*Kills time*
Plus one 8D.

Their word of the day is hydrogen c:

The other day, I was sitting in history when this really obnoxious boy called out "NO!" loudly. My teacher immediately shot back "That's what she will say, dear." I have now seen a 60 year old lady tell a "that's what she said" joke. MLIA.


HAHAHHAH I legit laughed forever.

Omg :3.

There's only like..
NINE WHOLE MINUTES LEFT 8D

I sho happy, :3.

I think I should go nao though x3.

Since school's over soon c:

Atleast I got to read *some* MLIA's. x3

Anyways, I'll talk to you later frands c:

Bye for now :3 ~

Nine things I guess..

Just a few things to go through very quickly because my lack of motivation to write a long, and sincere blog post is over-whelming me ^__^.

1. This weekend was the best weekend of my life.

2. You suck, a lot.

3. Thanks for caring so much, it really means a lot to me <3.

4. Get over yourself, kay thanks.

5. Back off. :3

6. Tomorrow's school.. urgh.

7. I had no homework at least, and I'm already ahead in one of my classes.

8. I made a decision. Don't hate me.

9. What I did was wrong, on so many levels.

That's all I really wanted to get out.

So yeah.. Goodbye x3

(L)

I'm on the pursuit of happiness, and I know; everything that shines ain't always going to be gold.

Blahblahblah.

Why is that no matter what the situation is in my life, I am always stuck in the middle?
Stuck in the middle of friendships,
stuck in the middle of parents,
stuck in the middle of fights,
everything.

I'm always stuck there.
And it doesn't matter how many times I try and work things out; things are always brought back to me. I can't take it anymore.

It actually turned out long.. o.0

So I'm sitting in class right now?
History. -.-
I'm lurking formpspring, e-mails, twitter, and blogger. Thank god they allow them at school.. or maybe they just haven't found out about them yet. *enjoys every minute I have with them*

I hope they don't block them D: That would be so gay.

Anyways just to re-cap everything that has happened in the past week :). I have fifteen minutes so this isn't going to be very detailed or long. I have a buy out at 12, and then I'm heading up to Berbeuf to hang out with Quinn after school x3.

So I moved to my Dad's. It wouldn't be so bad, he's a good Dad, and he does everything for me and my brothers. However, he lives in Dundas... -.-. I mean, it takes forty minutes (?) just to get to school in the morning. I guess it's better that I'm at his house since my Mom's a fucking stupid retard (as some of you may be vaguely aware of, if not, just trust me when I say that she is; and on so many levels).

Yesterday I hung out with Eric for a bit. It was fun, and I got to meet his dog Umbra ^_^ She's really.. hyper o.o All the time, but pretty fun to be around (and she's so cute, omg x3)

We went to the falls and sat there for a bit and just talked, he tied Umbra to the pole and somehow managed to untie herself xD. It was funny though, because even though she managed to get out, she was still biting the leash afterwards not realizing that she was free xDDD. It was kinda cute c:

After that we walked back to the bus stop, and by the time I got him it was around tenish (É) (Damn, I`ve managed to put the keyboard on French T_T I don`t know how to get out of it.. fml)

Anyways now it`s like, 11:46 and I`m sitting in grade ten history T_T Blah, it`s so retarded. I hate being in a class full of younger kids.. but then again I don`t cause then my anxiety goes down s; Like.. idk. It`s fucked. BUT STILL. They`re so stupid. Urgh .. o.o

We get out at 12. Theres a football game today at 1 or something at Ivorm Wynne, HA. Im not even going to go .. even though I bought a ticket D; The only reason why I bought a ticket was cause they were saying how it might not be a half day today or full dismisal at 12 for the whole school. So me, being the smart kid I am, buys a buy out ticket for the game today just to get out of school, AND THEN THIS MORNING THEY FREAKEN ANNOUNCE THAT ITS A HALF DAY FOR THE WHOLE SCHOOL T_T. Fuck, theyre so decieving, stealing my money and shit D; I dont really care though, since it was 2 dollars.. BUT STILL, TWO WHOLE DOLLARS. THATS 200 HUNDRED PENNIES. THATS ALOT, KAY THANKS.

So this blog post ended up being relatively long. I think Im just going to keep typing for another five minutes though. Its only 11:50, and I didnt bring my book to class to read. So if I type for five minutes, itll be 11:55, and then Itll take me like 30 seconds to log off everything (paranoid) and then shut the computer down. AND THEN ILL WAIT FOR 4 MINUTES AND 30 SECONDS TO GET OUT OF SCHOOL ;DDD YEE. I hope I dont get to berbeuf too early. I brought clothes to change into, but should I change hereÉ (Thats my supposed question mark button D:.. its not a french capital e with an accent aigu)or maybe I should change at Jackson and kill some time.. yes this is what Ill do

Urgh.. announcements about dismissal and the football I bought a ticket for that I was never planning on going too... Woo -.- Stupid Cathedral. I hate you. No I really dont but still.

Anyways, this is the end now. Its 11:54 and Im going to be going soon.
NOW ITS 11:55 AND I DID WHAT I WAS GOING TO DO.
So yeah..
Bye for now !
:3.

:)

This was how my morning played out.

Mom - "Chelsey wake up it's 6:30"
Me - "ACTUALLY IT'S 6:33 AND MY ALARM IS CLEARLY SET FOR 6:45, GO AWAY"

*Falls back asleep*

Josh - "Chelsey it's 6:40, you have to wake up and get ready"
Me - "MY ALARM IS SET FOR 6:45 LET ME SLEEP FOR FIVE MORE MINUTES, WHAT DO YOU GUYS NOT UNDERSTAND. IT CLEARLY DOES NOT TAKE AN HOUR TO GET TO SCHOOL FROM HERE. IT TAKES TEN MINUTES TO WALK THERE. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS? I'M SIXTEEN YEARS OLD, IN GRADE TWELVE. I'VE BEEN GOING TO HIGH SCHOOL FOR THREE YEARS ALREADY. I KNOW HOW TO WAKE MYSELF UP. "

Josh - "What time is it now?"
Me - "6:45, FUCK."

;)

Kinda love my life a lot?

I couldn't stop laughing. <3


cђelsey, says:
LOL
;3
;3333333333333333333333333333333333
;) ;) ;)
kankowski. says:
LOOOOL stop that
cђelsey, says:
dont do anything i wouldnt do
;3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333
kankowski. says:
LMAAO
cђelsey, says:
i dont even know what that means
but ;) ;) ;)
kankowski. says:
i don't even know what you would or wouldn't do, so what am i allwoed to do? LOL
cђelsey, says:
basically anything
LMAO KIDDING
llmalmalLMALAMALMAOALOLOLOL
kankowski. says:
LMFAAOOOOO
cђelsey, says:
;) ;) ;)
i dont know what else to put so .. ;)
kankowski. says:
LOOOOOLLLL *dies laughing*
cђelsey, says:
*sigh* why is that face so sexually suggestive?
i mean
"im doing homework.. ;)"
kankowski. says:
LOOL
cђelsey, says:
YEAH OKAY YOU LIAR
kankowski. says:
loooooooooooooooooooooooooool
cђelsey, says:
"I just shot baby seal.... ;) "
kankowski. says:
LMFAO
cђelsey, says:
"I just had sex ;) ;) ;);) "
kankowski. says:
LMFAAOOO WELL DUH

OMG THANK YOU.

I just found out how to do this, like now.
Thanks to Caroline <3.

She's so awesome I luh her for doing this.

Even though it was pretty obvious 8DD.

Lol, kay bye :3.

Okay then.

Why can't people just fucking tell me what's on their minds without making a big deal out of it ?
I mean, that's why I'm fucking here.
To listen.
Pretty sure I'm not going to get mad about every fucking thing on the planet.. :|

Whatever (Y)!

Dear Ashley Way.

So all I came on blogger for was to write about the dream I had last night, because it was fairly interesting, and I haven't had a dream I remembered in a long time.

RANT TIME:
However, I come online to find people adding their opinions that were definitely not needed. Since they have no idea of what is going on, and have only received one side of the story.

Your a hypocrite, and your extremely biased.

I wanted to focus on the depression part of your blog post.

(Prepare to read)

"DO NOT discourage her FREEDOM of speech or her healthy ways of dealing with things."

Alright, well.. you see. It's kind of not really healthy at all when the content of Caroline's blog post is talking about self-harm. If she didn't want attention, then she would have talked to her friends privately. Not a blogging website. Since she did use the site, though, she must have at least acknowledged that the comments she would receive would be negative. If she didn't realize that, well then she's just really ignorant.

Depression hurts, but not only one person in this circle of friends is dealing with depression. I can count 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 other people that are currently dealing with struggles in their lives. It hurts, I know. But that is what friends and family were made for. To talk, to comfort one another in the most depressing times of our lives. And since you clearly do not know anything I have been there for Caroline through the thick and the thin, no matter what. I was there. Depression affects more than one person, or were you not aware of this?

"Who Does Depression Affect?

Depression can affect anyone, at anytime. And it doesn't just affect the person who is depressed. Friends, family, and others who care about the depressed person are affected as well."

I feel what Caroline feels. When she is depressed, I am depressed. She is my friend, no matter what I have said. I love her, so I feel pain and sorrow for her when she is hurting, and I try my best to be there for her. Whether it be giving advice, or just listening to what she has to say, I am there.

You are clearly uneducated on depression. So here is a link to a website that talks about depression.

http://stason.org/TULARC/health/articles/Who-Does-Depression-Affect.html

Do not try and educate me on depression when I am well aware of how it affects a human being. You clearly do not know anything.

I have been dealing with depression since 2003 and beyond that. I know how it feels to be down, and I can fully relate to everything Caroline has told me, (we are very, very similair.. not that you ever knew that, or cared). Not only have I been dealing with depression, but so have all of the closest people to me; my loved ones. It hurts to watch everyone go down, so yes Ashley, we in fact do feel what she is feeling when she is suffering. Maybe not to the same degree, but it is very close.

Yes, depression is a sickness that makes everyday feel horrible. But it also makes it feel horrible for the people around said person that love and care for them. Other peoples opinions are needed.. whether it be harsh or comforting; having an opinion from some one else tells you what you are doing wrong or what you are doing to hurt others, and above all; yourself.

Clearly, when Caroline posted about how she was going to break the promise that she made with several of her best friends, would obviously make them upset. Not only does it make them upset, it also makes them angry because of her non-chalant wording and uncaring self respect. As if no one cares, when in fact, MANY people care; and she has yet to realize this.

So in these last and final lines of this blog-post that should not have ever needed to be posted, I hope you realize just how uneducated you have made yourself appear. Along with biased, and hypocritical.

Next time, try and get the full story before you go around making accusations and pass judgement about people, when you, in fact, only know one side of the story or refuse to listen to the other sides.

If you want to throw our friendship out, along with everyone elses, then that is fine. You clearly do not give a shit about it, and your views on friendship are repulsive and disgusting.

Anyways,
Have a wonderful day today,

Chelsey. A. Cole.

OMGWTFWAFFLES.

So my emotions have been on overdrive lately.. And I think it's about time for the biggest rant of my lifetime.

This may take a few hours.. Seeing as I just want to get everything out of my system that has been in there for months now.. This also includes the fact that I'm lazy & normally take breaks in between blog posts.

Prepare yourself for a long blog post.

Well, I don't know where to begin. I think it's because my emotions are just itching to get out. This is ridiculous.. It's bad when you can't pour your emotions out properly because you don't know where to start, and it's been so long since you've even considered spilling how you really feel.

It's already been two hours.. I mean really?
I've still been thinking of how to start this.

I've been talking to people though.. and maybe this is where I should start.
I mean, it's what's been taking up the most space in my mind the last couple of days.. So I guess it makes sense.

I hate the fact that this is happening. No scratch that, I don't hate it. I honestly don't know what to make of it. Is this really happening? When I woke up the next morning I thought it was only a dream. Where are you coming from? Why is this happening? Did this just start all of a sudden, or was it pressed into the back of your mind for quite some time now?
I mean, give me some closure. We're just beating around the bush half the time, and we know it ourselves.
It's just so hard not to care about your feelings. Actually, I could never not care about them. I already said this. Watching you slowly deteriorate from all of this misery is saddening. I can't explain it.. I mean. URGH I DON'T KNOW. I hate conflicting emotions.


This is what is running through my head:

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?



Omgawsh there is one gummy bear left, but I'm so full. I mean, it's the last one, I should just eat it, right? But I can't take anymore sugar for today. If I eat it I might very well throw up. BUT IT'S ONLY ONE GUMMY BEAR. WHY IS EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE SO GOD DAMN CONFLICTING.

Seriously, I can't take this massive emotional blow that has just hit me. Like, it's not like it's just one thing. I'm feeling confused, hurt, betrayed, angry, miserable, happy, love, caring. WHAT IN THE WORLD. There's so many different stories and reasonings behind everyone of those emotions too, and there so BIG! I mean, my emotions are big. They feel like they're weighing me down.. like it's unbearable. It's so much, they're distracting me, and I can't even convey them properly.

I'm in need of some music right now.. Jeez. Someone bring me some freaken head phones.

I think music would definitely do the trick. I can relate to it better than anything. Just to know that there are millions of people out there who live all across the planet going through the same thing I am, is soothing.

Is that sick & twisted? I'm sure it's not :\..

I feel like, (and I'm not trying to sound better or greater than anyone) that I view the world differently than most. Like, that it's so obscene that no one know's where I'm coming from, or how I'm feeling because my lack of communication skills deems me to keep it to myself. I can't convey my view on anything properly without contradicting myself or being a hypocrite. I just feel like my view on things is so outstandingly different, that I can't even process it. It's not just the world, but like everything about the world. EVERYTHING.

WHAT THE FUCK.

Why am I so complex? I want to be simple. It's easier that way.

Anyways side note.. I'm going to Cathedral (hopefully)
We have an interview tomorrow at eleven.
Wish me luck guys!

/end of outrageously long and insignificant rant.

I wish you could whisk away all these dreams. Let's play pretend and make-believe. (8)

These lyrics explain my life perfectly right now. For reasons no one will know. :c



And when it rains on this side of town
It touches everything
Just say it again and mean it
We don't miss a thing
You made yourself a bed at the bottom
of the blackest hole (blackest hole)
and convinced yourself
that it's not the reason you don't see the sun anymore

and no (oh) how could you do it
(oh I) I never saw it coming
(no oh) I need an ending
So why can't you stay
Just long enough to explain

And when it rains
You always find an escape
Just running away
From all of the ones who love you
From everything
You made yourself a bed at the bottom
Of the blackest hole (blackest hole)
And you'll sleep till May
You'll say that you don't want to see the sun anymore

and no (oh) how could you do it
(oh I) I never saw it coming
(no oh) I need an ending
So why can't you stay
Just long enough to explain

(Explain your side, Take my side)
Take these chances to turn it around
Take these chances we'll make it somehow
And Take these chances and turn it around
Just turn it around.

and no (oh) how could you do it
(oh I) I never saw it coming
no (oh) how could you do it
(oh I) I never saw it coming
no (oh) how could you do it
(oh I) I never saw it coming and
(no oh) I need an ending
So why can't you stay
Just long enough to explain

You can take your time, take my time.

So many things going through my head, but I know the outcome of what will happen.
'Tis not good.

sfsdagsd

WHY DOES MY LIFE FEEL LIKE THE HUNGER GAMES
URGHURNG LK

My mind in a nutshell.

Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why

That's what my head looks like right now.

Memories seeping through my veins. Why can I only hear the thunder, yet no solemn rain? ♪

Wanna know what the most amazing feeling in the WORLD is?
Being loved.
Even when I thought I was forgotten, and thought that I wasn't important enough.. I was still loved c:

Before my dad went to sleep tonight, he pulled me close to him like he did when I was little. He put his arms around me, & gave me the biggest kiss on my forehead.. Just like when I was little. He said, "I love you" with his chin resting on the top of my head, and then he started tickling me. He said "I tricked you!" & then started making me laugh and giggle like a little girl.. like he did when I was little.

I missed you, Dad ♥.

Quinn come back ♥

Ohaay. What's up?
I'm kind of bored, probably why I'm writing a blog ^^;.
I'm at Quinn's house right now.. with lack of Quinny :c.

I stayed the night last night because of stuffz that happened at my house yesterday D:. But anyways, it was fun staying the night here. Right now Quinn is going to his doctors appointment, and I'm just sitting in pj's writing this blog post, lurking facebook, watching tv, and sipping coke c:

I want Quinn to come back soon though.. His appointment is at 2:15 at McMaster D: They take a long time, but he said he'll be back in a hour tops.

*waits patiently* Lololol, Recess is on x3. I used to love this show.
It's the episode where the principal was hypnotized into a child. & then they had to tell him that he wasn't a kid. It was at the sad part :c.

So.. I've been reading The Hunger Games. It's so amazing ♥. I haven't really had time to read it all that much, but I'm on Part Three, where Katniss finds Peeta and treats his wounds, & then they team up to take down the rest of the Careers.

I'm actually, so inlove with this book. I can't wait to get the second and the third.
They're so good x3.

*sips pop*

Omgawsh, Phineas and Ferb is on later, I love that show. It's so cute c: *flais*

Boy, I need you here with me. We can't go on this way. ♪♪

I like dat song, even though.. I really *dislike* Selena Gomez.. xD
She's a fuck.. I mean whut?

Now The Replacements is on.
Lol, woo, Family Channel 8D

Lol I just told Caroline to tell Eric, Dom, Scott & Clara that I said Hi :3.
They said Hi back c:

Well, except Scott apparently.. Thanks Scott. I see how it is.

LMFAO I JUST LOL'D SO HARD AT THIS SHOW.

Why am I rambling about everything that's not even impportant? 8D I should stop.. no one reads this anyways, and none of this is important.

I'm just being silly c:.

I'm actually, so bored now. So I guess I'ma end this blog post. Talk to you later, y'all.

Ha. The tv said y'all just as I typed it 8D.

Omgawsh it's only 2:11.. his appointment hasn't even started yet ;-;.
Roar :c.

Bye bye.
♥

Roaroaroaroaroar.

I watch the trees dance- silently but fast.
There's blue skies today,
but over me lingers overcast.
I can't help make these clouds go away.
All we can do is hope,
that tomorrow brings a beautiful day.

Hellogoodbye.

I'm so tired that I can't even think properly.
But I can't sleep.

Thoughts are just flooding through my head.
I feel so lost.

I just thought I'd share that.
Bye now.

I don't know how we survived such violent episodes.

I have a funny feeling that tonight I won't be able to get many hours of sleep.
But that's okay. I'm used to this kind of thing.

I'm trying to walk lightly throughout my house. (It's a creaky, loud, house..)
She's just gone to sleep (more like passed out) & I don't need her waking up again. It wouldn't be nice.. She'd just slur random things or mumble something about me under her breathe, and then yell at me some more. Even though I did absolutely nothing to upset her in the first place.

In fact, it's quite the contrary.. but whatever.

What a wonderful life I live where I'm blamed for things just for the simple fact that no one else wants to be responsible for what has and is continuing to happen..

I feel, well I don't know how I feel. It's not quite my normal feeling.. I guess I'll settle with.. it's a weird feeling.

I'm not exactly sick.. but I have this gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach that makes it seem like I am.
Maybe I'm anxious or nervous.
But for what?

I don't really have anything to be anxious about. I mean, I'm usually an anxious person.. So I'm kind of used to it by now. (That makes no sense, I just said that I had nothing to be anxious about.. but I'm normally anxious.. Ah, whatever)

I feel so empty, but I don't even know why. It's taking a lot to not break down and cry when I have so many reasons why I should just give in.

I refuse to though. It makes me feel like I'm weak :\.
I've gone through so much, & it's all made me stronger.

A lot stronger.

To break down over such a ridiculous thing such as what has happened for the past few days.. is embarrassing.

I could understand if it was legitimately worse than it is now.

But now?

It just seems kind of, ..stupid.

Like a huge waste of time. Crying doesn't solve anything.. it just makes me feel sorry for myself. I could be doing so much more with my life, but I'm just ..not.

There's no reason to feel sorry for myself.. If I'm not really doing anything about it.

If I cry and feel sorry for myself.. I'll just deteriorate. My strength will weaken.. and then I'll give up.

Then everything I worked hard to fix, will slip away.

I've already been through that. I decided that I didn't like it.. So I'm not going back to that.

I can't give up anymore. Especially under these circumstances. Even though she totally blames me for everything, makes me do everything for myself, and makes me take care of her too; I just can't leave her alone to fight this by herself.

(Even though, lately it's just been her surrendering, leaving me to ..fight ..with her.)

So, I've come to the conclusion, that I feel trapped & isolated.

No one can relate to me, or I haven't met them yet.
No one can help me, or give me some useful advice.

I'm kind of just winging it. By myself.

It sucks. A lot.

I just want my old life back. I hope you guys know that what you have is really important, it's something that I'm lacking; and I'm jealous of you every minute.

:c

I haven't seen you sober for four days...
I'd like to talk to you again.
Come home, please.