OMGWTFWAFFLES.

So my emotions have been on overdrive lately.. And I think it's about time for the biggest rant of my lifetime.

This may take a few hours.. Seeing as I just want to get everything out of my system that has been in there for months now.. This also includes the fact that I'm lazy & normally take breaks in between blog posts.

Prepare yourself for a long blog post.

Well, I don't know where to begin. I think it's because my emotions are just itching to get out. This is ridiculous.. It's bad when you can't pour your emotions out properly because you don't know where to start, and it's been so long since you've even considered spilling how you really feel.

It's already been two hours.. I mean really?
I've still been thinking of how to start this.

I've been talking to people though.. and maybe this is where I should start.
I mean, it's what's been taking up the most space in my mind the last couple of days.. So I guess it makes sense.

I hate the fact that this is happening. No scratch that, I don't hate it. I honestly don't know what to make of it. Is this really happening? When I woke up the next morning I thought it was only a dream. Where are you coming from? Why is this happening? Did this just start all of a sudden, or was it pressed into the back of your mind for quite some time now?
I mean, give me some closure. We're just beating around the bush half the time, and we know it ourselves.
It's just so hard not to care about your feelings. Actually, I could never not care about them. I already said this. Watching you slowly deteriorate from all of this misery is saddening. I can't explain it.. I mean. URGH I DON'T KNOW. I hate conflicting emotions.


This is what is running through my head:

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?



Omgawsh there is one gummy bear left, but I'm so full. I mean, it's the last one, I should just eat it, right? But I can't take anymore sugar for today. If I eat it I might very well throw up. BUT IT'S ONLY ONE GUMMY BEAR. WHY IS EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE SO GOD DAMN CONFLICTING.

Seriously, I can't take this massive emotional blow that has just hit me. Like, it's not like it's just one thing. I'm feeling confused, hurt, betrayed, angry, miserable, happy, love, caring. WHAT IN THE WORLD. There's so many different stories and reasonings behind everyone of those emotions too, and there so BIG! I mean, my emotions are big. They feel like they're weighing me down.. like it's unbearable. It's so much, they're distracting me, and I can't even convey them properly.

I'm in need of some music right now.. Jeez. Someone bring me some freaken head phones.

I think music would definitely do the trick. I can relate to it better than anything. Just to know that there are millions of people out there who live all across the planet going through the same thing I am, is soothing.

Is that sick & twisted? I'm sure it's not :\..

I feel like, (and I'm not trying to sound better or greater than anyone) that I view the world differently than most. Like, that it's so obscene that no one know's where I'm coming from, or how I'm feeling because my lack of communication skills deems me to keep it to myself. I can't convey my view on anything properly without contradicting myself or being a hypocrite. I just feel like my view on things is so outstandingly different, that I can't even process it. It's not just the world, but like everything about the world. EVERYTHING.

WHAT THE FUCK.

Why am I so complex? I want to be simple. It's easier that way.

Anyways side note.. I'm going to Cathedral (hopefully)
We have an interview tomorrow at eleven.
Wish me luck guys!

/end of outrageously long and insignificant rant.