*Deeeep deep sigh*

I'm lying half the time I speak. Mostly because I can't bare to tell the people in my life what's going on with me. I say I don't care and that I'm fine, and I appear to have this attitude like nothing bothers me. But that's a lie. Truth is, everything and everyone bothers me. The things people do, what they say, how they act, and how they can completely influence me & break me down just adds up inside of me. All these years I've been pushed and shoved, and thrown down to the ground. Now I've learned how to perfect the art of lying. How to cover up my emotions & my problems. How to hide behind false pretenses. All of the things that have happened to me have just thrown me right over the edge. Now I just swim in my own cerebral darkness. Living in an ocean of lies & despair. Confusion eats me alive everyday. There must be something wrong with me, because I'm really unable to fully explain to another human being what's really going on. I think people try and understand me, but they could never possibly understand me fully. There is no one that will ever be able to help me out in my life. So I guess I'm just going to continue to deal with it on my own. I've made it this far, so I guess I can push even further. I just hope that it doesn't destroy me & completely fuck me up.